Comments on: What’s in a name?

By: Pamela Cross

Pamela Cross — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 21:05:57 +0000

People in Ontario can change their name, as long as they are not doing it for any fraudulent purpose, by paying a fee of $137 and submitting an application form. Maybe this is an opportunity for your former spouse to get really creative and make up a new last name for herself!

By: John Wise

John Wise — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 14:40:18 +0000

I told my fiance back in 1977 that I would rather she kept her own name. She said she hated her last name and wanted to take mine. Years later,we divorced,she didn’t want to take her new husband’s name,still has mine and would rather not,and isn’t sure what to do!

By: Elizabeth Echlin Solomon

Elizabeth Echlin Solomon — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 18:06:11 +0000

Great post Pamela, and something that I have struggled with, over time. Of course, I was married in the early 60’s, and just accepted losing my name. This has come up so many times over the years in so many different ways. I once saw a woman when I was working as a psychologist who told me that she had chosen me because she thought I was Jewish. I told her my truth at that time which was that I had thought of going back to my Maiden name but at that point felt guilty about doing that because I had experienced anti-Semitism and felt guilty about changing back. Of course, a little bit of it was that it was an effort and I was a single parent raising 2 children on my own while working on a PhD. Her response to me was that I was Jewish and didn’t know it! Interesting interchange. What I didn’t say was that my husband was a much better father to me than my own father was. Women’s lives are so freaking complicated and fraught with dilemmas. I am not sorry that I didn’t take my name back and might have done if I had had a supportive father. He worked hard and fed and clothed us but he was quite negative and refused to provide support for attending university. He would have thought that it was a waste of money to send a woman to University. When I responded that I would send myself, his response to that was, “that will be the foggy Friday”! I was very fortunate in that I had an indomitable spirit and was determined to attend university, something my brother and 3 sisters never did. I knew that In order to achieve this goal I would have to find a way to earn money. A friend was going into nursing, and I learned that the only cost at that time was the cost of uniforms. Bingo! I managed to get work in some questionable restaurants and made enough money to pursue my dream. I did start attending university in Montreal while I was working as a night nurse a few days a week! I felt exhilarated and seriously didn’t mind the lack of sleep! I did manage to achieve my goal, a great feeling!

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 15:26:49 +0000

Pam, I too am surprised by how many young women a) think everyone in the family needs the same last name and b) assume they’re the ones who need to adopt a new name. For us it was never an issue. Neither Chris nor I were particularly keen on hyphenation but Chris would have been happy to have all the kids have my last name. In the end our son has my name and our daughter has his. We’ve had no complaints so far. There are so many blended families out there that I find the notion that everyone needs the same name to be laughable. My last name is not the same as my mother’s, step-father’s, one of my brother’s or my maternal grandparents’. Yet somehow we all know we are part of the same family. And for those who really feel that a common last name is important, then why not have the man change his last name? If this idea makes you hesitate, then it’s patriarchy at work, not notions about family.