By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 19 Dec 2017 16:06:45 +0000

I’m really glad to read this thoughtful and o so badly needed offering. I’ve been angered by the reaction that Minnie Driver had to Matt Damon’s view that ‘there’s a spectrum of behaviour’. She’s undoubtedly right that men and women who have never been subjected to any behaviour that fits on the spectrum may have trouble understanding how intensely those who have been can react to certain fairly low on the spectrum actions, but that doesn’t warrant her telling him essentially to shut up because he’s a man and can’t understand. While anyone who’s been subjected to violating conduct must be absolutely be free to speak out if s/he wants to do that, I don’t think anyone should feel entitled to control the conversation because of the gender or personal experience that’s theirs. I also think it’s important to hear from men who have not engaged in such behaviour ever. What ways do they have of dealing with the fact that they’re implicated by gender alone – do they feel personally disappeared? guilty for not having confronted ‘locker room’ talk when they encountered it or interfered on seeing a man mistreat a woman in a sexual way? vindicated in their knowledge that they are personally innocent? or what? wanting to explore nuances but afraid to step wrongly or offend someone? embarrassed, horrified, surprised, or what? Listening and supporting women who speak out, yes of course they should do that, but must they be quiet about their personal feelings/thoughts about what seems an awful lot like gender stereotyping? never say something as obvious as ‘there’s a spectrum’ of behaviour here?

Not sure what that means in terms of your ‘who should be leading the discussions’ of these questions. Maybe it’s not a question of ‘leading’ insofar as that suggests ‘controlling’. But thanks very much for the blog, Pam. I hope some of your other readers will join in the conversation.

Comments on: Who’s leading the discussions about men’s behaviour?

By: Anonymous