When I saw an email from Women and Gender Equality Canada (WAGE), formerly Status of Women Canada, in my inbox early last week, I assumed it was a communication about substantive women’s equality issues. The fall has seen an unprecedented amount of attention paid by the federal government to the issue of gender-based violence, so it was entirely possible that WAGE was now weighing in.
Perhaps, I thought, this might be a new call for funding proposals, so anti-violence organizations could continue doing our important work. Maybe, it was an invitation to a conference or meeting to discuss the many GBV-related bills introduced to Parliament over the fall. Or, call me crazy, I wondered if it could be the announcement of next steps in the implementation of the National Action Plan to End Gender-Based Violence.
But, no.
Instead, I was treated to an article entitled “The economics of kinkeeping.” Kinkeeping, I learned after a brief Google search, is the “act of maintaining and strengthening family ties.” According to a 2024 article in The New York Times, a “kinkeeper” is:
“a family communicator who helps the extended group stay in touch by sharing family news and planning gatherings. . . . In recent decades, sociology and psychology researchers have expanded the definition to include things like creating or carrying on family traditions, buying gifts for birthdays and holidays, coordinating medical care and performing all sorts of emotional caregiving.”
And, big surprise, most kinkeepers are. . . women.
Thanks to WAGE — and your and my tax dollars — I learned:
“(f)ond memories don’t just happen. They take effort.”
“Hosting a holiday get-together isn’t just about cooking.”
“Investing all this effort into gatherings can put a tremendous amount of pressure on someone. And often, this burden falls on women.”
A checklist!
Accompanying these inane platitudes, WAGE has provided a checklist so we can make “memories [that] benefit everyone.”
It offers suggestions for what to do before the big family gathering (“Take the time you need to recharge,” “Plan the menu,” “Call or send invitations”), the day of the gathering (“Cook each dish,” “Welcome guests at the door.” “Serve the main course”) and after the gathering (“Thank guests,” “Pack up leftovers for guests to take home,” “Take out garbage, recycling and compost”).
At best, this missive from WAGE is trite and patronizing. It’s also a waste of money. But much worse, it ignores the realities of many Canadian women and families. How included would a woman living with an abusive partner or an unhoused family feel upon reading these words of wisdom?
“The magic of the holiday season does not happen by accident. Share the load between all family members so everyone can enjoy new and long-held traditions. Sitting down together as partners or a family and dividing tasks can help everyone feel like they have a role to play.”
It’s not safe for the women I have spent my life supporting to sit down with their abusive partner to discuss dividing up the tasks so everyone can enjoy the magic of the holiday season. Indeed, this time of year is when abuse often escalates because of heightened emotions and expectations. Would these sharing-the-labour conversations include a discussion about how to hide the abuse from guests? For many women, “kinkeeping” exposes them to more risk of harm.
A family sharing one motel room is not creating a new holiday tradition or fond memories by divvying up the tasks equally. They are not inviting their extended family over for a meal, so they don’t have to set up extra seating and table space. They are not packing up leftovers for anyone, because there aren’t any.
And what of the checklist for someone living in a shelter? There will be no menu to plan and no greeting guests at the front door.
Offensive
Yes, this is, indeed, the festive season, and many of us can and do enjoy the opportunity to spend time with family and friends while sharing food, drink, games and conversation. We should all be grateful for a privilege that we all-too-often take for granted and that is not available to so many.
The government has no business creating drivel that excludes those whose realities do not include possibilities for creating fond memories.
I’m offended, and I hope you are, too.
Happy you draw this to our attention Pam! In an age where natalists are in power on and around our neighbour’ s throne and women’s rights are being overturned in the USA on every corner, we need robust policy and support to maintain what we have in equality rights and move forward where women continue to lag behind and are eternally at risk! Looking closer to home and the continuing use of the notwithstanding clause to pass laws that negate equality rights point to the need for stronger serious attention to women’s equality rights! We need a government body that deals with the serious threats women continue to face and seriously use policy and support policies to meet and eliminate those threats. We don’t need lesson on how to better entertain to keep the family strong and served!
Let’s keep our eyes open! Thanks for help to do so Pam.
Thank you for your post about this publication. With so many of us trying to get public support to keep intimate partner violence front and centre, this feels like a minimization of those efforts-or that someone has missed the point completely.