Judicial education is a critical component of improving legal responses to intimate partner violence. Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to family court judges in Ontario, as they attended an education seminar, one day of which was dedicated to the topic of IPV.
I began by sharing the story of a former client. Here are excerpts from what I said about coercive control and trauma. Next week, I will share some of what I said about the challenges of providing evidence to establish the presence of IPV.
The 2021 changes to the Divorce Act and the Children’s Law Reform Act that introduced family violence as one of the best interests of the child test criteria as well as a comprehensive definition of family violence that includes coercive control have been a significant and positive step forward.
It’s complicated
Coercive control is not straightforward:
- It’s not uncommon for a woman whose partner is engaging in coercively controlling behaviours not to identify what is going on as being abusive.
- Many survivors don’t tell anyone about the coercive control because they don’t see it as abuse.
- Encouraged by the abuser, they may see themselves as at least partly responsible for the way their partner is treating them.
- There is often no independent evidence of this kind of abuse.
- The behaviour builds slowly over time, making it more difficult to identify what may initially have seemed like loving, caring behaviour as actually being abusive.
- Over time, the woman loses her self-confidence and her autonomy, handing over more and more responsibility to the abuser, including responsibility for decision-making related to the children.
- She becomes isolated from her friends and family because her partner makes it so difficult to see them.
- She feels shame that she is such a poor wife/mother because her partner reinforces this notion through his constant criticisms and put downs. When someone tells you that you are stupid, ugly and a bad mother often enough, you start to believe them, especially if the children have been duped into reiterating the criticisms.
- She thinks she is crazy because of his gaslighting. Did she really give him back the change after she went to the grocery store like she thinks she did or is he right that she kept it?
- Coercive control looks different from one relationship to another. What intimidates one person can look completely innocent to another. I might retreat into fearful silence just by the way my partner looks at me, but to an observer, nothing untoward is going on.
- It continues after separation, often morphing into online stalking/surveillance and legal bullying. Here’s where technology has opened up a whole new world to abusers, with GPS and other tracking systems, social media where intimate images and stories can be shared with the entire world, Smart Home systems that let him control the house functions even if he is not there, surveillance devices that can be installed in children’s tablets, phones and teddy bears, even drones.
As I said a minute ago, coercive control is highly gendered, with women the predominant victims. It’s absolutely critical that this be well understood by all of us. Otherwise, abusers will be believed when they make false allegations of coercive control against their partners as part of their ongoing abuse.
Leads to trauma
All of these realities of coercive control can lead to trauma for the survivor, and that trauma can significantly interfere with her ability to engage effectively with the family law/court process.
Like coercive control, trauma manifests itself differently from one survivor to the next, as I learned quickly when I started practicing law.
I easily understood the clients who looked and acted the way I, in my ignorance, thought victims of abuse would look and act. They were vulnerable, weepy; grateful for my attention, compliant with my suggestions, and generally docile. These were easy clients to represent, and their stories of abuse were easy to believe.
But a lot of clients who are traumatized are anything but easy to represent, and the behaviour of some can make it difficult to even see them as victims of abuse:
- Trauma can make the person hostile, belligerent and angry. These clients want to argue about everything. They resist legal advice and don’t follow through with the tasks the lawyer needs them to do.
- It can also make the person withdraw. These clients appear not to care about anything, including their kids. They show no emotion whatsoever, even when talking about terrible things. They often seem prepared to accept poor outcomes just so everything will be over.
- For some people, trauma creates high levels of fear, not always based on reality. They are so used to managing danger in the person of their partner that they can’t just let go of that even if they are in a safe/safer situation now.
- Trauma can also make people behave in ways that are counter-intuitive to anyone who does not have a comprehensive understanding of intimate partner violence.
The ongoing nature of abuse post-separation also escalates trauma for survivors. Litigation abuse/legal bullying can have the survivor on the edge of her seat for weeks, months or even years. When will the abuser bring yet another ridiculous motion? Will they show up this week for their time with the kids? Will they bring the kids back late – or early? How many times will they text unnecessarily? What to do if the kids refuse to spend time with their other parent? Will the abuser change lawyers – again?
Or, worst of all, will they decide to represent themself?
These trauma behaviours also play out in the courtroom. It’s not uncommon for the survivor of abuse to be highly emotional and unfocused and to appear disorganized. Fear is the driver for much of this: fear about their children’s and their own safety, fear about being in the same space as their former partner, fear of the legal and court process, fear about possible outcomes.
No wonder some survivors are difficult to represent, make poor witnesses and are hard to manage in the courtroom.
Next week: Finding the evidence