Excerpts from the final part of what I said to Ontario family law lawyers last month.
Most survivors of family violence – especially those where the abuse has been going on for a long time and those who have been subjected to coercive control – experience trauma, which can make them very difficult clients. Difficult to believe, sometimes, and – often — difficult to serve.
To make representing survivors of IPV even more challenging, trauma manifests itself differently from one survivor to the next, as I learned quickly when I started practising law.
I easily understood the clients who looked and acted the way I, in my ignorance, thought victims of abuse would look and act. They were vulnerable, grateful for my attention and compliant with my suggestions. Those were clients I knew how to represent.
Challenging clients
But a lot of clients who are traumatized are anything but easy to represent, and the behaviour of some can make it difficult to even see them as victims of abuse:
- Trauma can make the person hostile, belligerent and angry. These clients want to argue about everything and often resist legal advice.
- It can also make them withdraw and appear not to care about anything.
- For some people, trauma creates high levels of fear, which are not always based on reality.
- Trauma can also make people behave in ways that are counterintuitive to anyone who does not have a comprehensive understanding of intimate partner violence.
The ongoing nature of abuse post-separation further escalates trauma for survivors. Legal bullying can have the survivor on the edge of her seat for weeks, months or even years. When will the abuser bring yet another unnecessary motion? Will they show up this week for their time with the kids? Will they bring the kids back late – or early? How many times will they text unnecessarily? Will the abuser change lawyers – again? Or, even worse, will they decide to represent themselves?
These trauma behaviours also play out in the courtroom. It’s not uncommon for the survivor of abuse to be highly emotional, unfocused and appear disorganized. Fear is the driver for much of this: fear about their children’s and their own safety, fear about being in the same space as their former partner, fear of the law and court process, fear about possible outcomes.
As lawyers, we need to understand that when we represent survivors of family violence they are likely to be experiencing trauma and that trauma will look very different from one client to another. If we don’t, we won’t be doing the best job we can for those clients.
And this takes me to the fourth and final point I want to make this morning.
An honour and responsibility
Representing survivors of IPV as well as those who have caused that harm is a huge responsibility. It’s also an honour to be trusted by people in such vulnerable situations.
I’m not here today to tell you how to do your jobs, to persuade you to screen all your new clients (although I would like to do that) or to educate you about intimate partner violence (although I will say that however much you already know about IPV, you have more to learn. I’m still learning after more than 30 years of doing this work.)
What I do want to tell you is that we need to do our jobs as well as we can and look for education or other forms of support when we think we might not know as much as we need to.
Representing survivors of family violence or those who cause the violence is not for everyone. It may not be for you. I no longer represent survivors of family violence, because the vicarious trauma it caused me was too high a price to pay. There’s no shame in realizing you can’t or don’t want to do the work.
Only you will know if and where your passions and skills fit when it comes to family violence and the law.
I have found a way to do work that remains focused on this issue. What I have done for the past 25 or so years – working for systemic change to improve legal responses to GBV and to prevent it from happening — builds on what I learned at law school and in my law practice, lets me use my strongest skills and doesn’t force me into the isolation I often felt when I was a practicing lawyer.
I consider myself very fortunate. I absolutely love this work that I have had the honour and privilege to be able to do. My work is almost always interesting and stimulating. It challenges my brain without destroying my soul. I am constantly learning and growing. I get to work with the most incredible community of survivors, activists, advocates and – yes — lawyers.
I could have asked for nothing better, and I wish the same for you whatever place you find for yourself as a family law lawyer.